Shermomma: On the Race

I ran into my old friend, ex-Internet movie writer, J. Sherman last night and I asked how he was doing. Covered in stickers, pennants, and other paraphernalia, he said he'd spent the last few weeks traveling the country disguised as a bleacher. When I asked if he was able to get some movie watching in, he muttered something unintelligible and pushed a bumper sticker covered with scribblings into my hand. After hours of faithful deciphering I hereby transcribe it for our mutual wonder, horror, and edification.

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Well, I must say, a few days ago the most exciting thing that has happened to me in a long time happened ...

I finally saw Speed Racer.

I know what you're thinking ... "Took you long enough." Just about everyone else I knew was on board when it first came out -- like, a jillion years ago it feels like. But ... I don't know. I hesitated.

You see, as soon as I heard about it, it took me right back, deep, deep into my childhood. I can't remember a time when I wasn't experiencing it or thinking about it. And I must admit, I was afraid.

I was afraid that it was going to suck -- suck like so many things of its type have sucked. I mean, let's be honest; there have been some disastrous past attempts, you know? It gets hard to keep hope alive. I just didn't want to get my expectations and, yes, my hopes up only to have them dashed again. After all, how do you take something that lives in the realm of childhood imagination and ideals and make it walk and talk and actually work out? -- A daunting task. Though I didn't think a successful run was necessarily impossible, I was starting to wonder if I'd ever see it in my lifetime.

But you know, this wasn't bad. In fact, it was really good. I mean, it looked good. It sounded great. The way they packaged it -- the whole feel of it -- was just dynamite. And the storytelling ... smooth, fast, elegant, not a lot of fat. (Although, to be honest, I remember noting that the beginning sequence went on forever, but, to be even more honest, it was done so well, I didn't mind.)

They turned the story into this whole "Outsider going against a humongous, corrupt corporate system" with an enemy that's big enough to not just pull all the strings but own them, tune them, and garrote you with them as well.

And it's always ironic to watch that because, well, you know, the movie is a product of this humongous, corrupt, corporate system. I mean, it's not like it's an indie film or something. It's a large, big-budget, feature production trying to make money like anything else. But it's still able to pull in notable liberals like Susan Sarandon to give speeches about the importance of following your heart and doing what you believe in. It's still able to say things like, if you work for a change in whatever way that you can, that's enough, like that whole Quaker / Inner Light thing. Somehow they were able to sell that.

Sure, the main actor is kind of young and untested but he came across just fine -- sincere, even heroic. Plus he's surrounded by all these veterans, which somehow doesn't queer the whole outsider vibe. Oh, there's this other racer who's his competitor at first and then his ally. That's pretty cool. But in the end they're all gunning for the main big, fat cat, evil dude with his comic sidekick. (You know they're always good for a laugh.)

Of course the plot was all pretty predictable, but the whole thing managed to give you everything you wanted -- all the classic shots, all the classic moves -- without coming across as hackneyed or cliched. They made it all look ... classic. And when the big victory came at the end, I tell you, I got a little swept up in it, in spite of my caution and cynicism. I just couldn't get enough of it. No, that's not right. I didn't want to get enough of it.

'Cause, you know, like Speed, no matter how much you grow up, no matter how good you, yourself get, you still hope against hope that your big brother is alive, that he hasn't sold out -- that he still loves you, and that's why he's fighting for a better world. Honestly, don't we crave to believe in these things?

Now I know this kind of production is not for everyone. In fact, I still have to be careful who I talk to about it. Some people just aren't going to go for this type of film. And there will even be the really stupid, hurtful people with their monkey jokes. (Jerks. Get over it.)

But I think it looks good. It looks really good. (Hey, I hear it's playing great overseas.) But, still and all, I know that as time goes on I'll start picking holes in it. I mean, I'm sure my smarter and more in touch friends have already done so. And, of course, it's still part of the big studio system. I won't forget the other smaller, struggling films that more genuinely depict the issues that concern me.

But for now, it's exciting. It's even historic, and I'm getting a big kick thinking about it ...

... I just hope they don't screw all our pooches with a shitty follow-up.

But right now I'm pretty jazzed. Like I said, it's easily the most exciting thing to happen to me in the last few days.




Oh ... that, and Barack Obama was elected the first African American president of the United States of America ... that was pretty big too ... don't yet know what to say about that.