Past Partier Imperfect

I'm not one to really go out much. I had a time in my twenties when I would see concerts and plays and things. I'd even travel to other cities for shows. But these days I'm pretty much a Stay at Home/Be Alone/Do My Own Thing kind of guy. I remember there was this one show I was at for some regional band that had come to town. It was in Trax, a place that, for better or worse, no longer exists. (Ah, Trax - one big barn that was too hot in the summer, too cold in the winter, and had a pulverized carpet that made a movie house floor look like a surgeon's dinner plate in comparison.) I was holding a mediochre beer that I'd paid too much for. The place was crowded and sweaty. The handful of chairs were taken. People were trying to crowd surf and were getting thrown out by the bouncers. The sound was for shit (Duh!), I was hungry (but not enough pay too much for bad bar food), and my feet hurt. Plus just about everyone around me was younger, thinner, and prettier than I, and for the first time I felt like I was on the other side of an age gap. Right then I thought, "You know, if I had this band's CD, I could be sitting at home, relaxed, fed, listening to it, and able to enjoy both them and myself better." That was the last concert I went to for a long time.

Recently, a friend of mine decided that she needed company for New Years and that I would be it. Weasel as I might, no weaseling was to be had. So, on New Year's Eve, in the brief dip of normality between consecutive sinus attacks, I found myself at the Outback Lodge. I'd always feared the place. Something called "Outback Lodge" sounded (and looked from the outside) like some redneck dive that would as soon hang me on the wall as let me through the door. Of course, that wasn't it at all. It was like a junior Trax, another dingy room with a bar attached where people can drink and guys can play too loud, waggling the sonic phallus.

But it was interesting. Concerts have changed over the years. First off, all these people (women mostly as I remember) were holding up their phones. I was puzzled by this at first. Were they meant to be surrogate lighters? Was this the modern way to stadium salute the band? Then I realized, they were taking pictures, taking pictures of the crowd and of the band. Later, I gathered that the band has space on myspace.com and invites fans to put their pictures of the concert up. That was new to me - Rock in the Information Age.

Another change was that almost as soon as the band took the stage, they started yelling for people to throw them their shirts. Well, to be honest, they started yelling for women to throw them their shirts. Between the first few songs, "Throw us your shirts! Throw us your shirts!" A bunch of guys stripped down and threw their shirts. This wasn't what the band had in mind. Clearly they were eager to have some Girls Go Wild, and were disappointed that it wasn't happening right then. But it seemed so de rigeur, I wondered at the "Wild" part. To me the band kind of came across as desperate, horny boys. "Show us your boobs, please ... please!" And I'm thinking, dudes, there's no way that's gonna' work, especially not this early in the proceedings. I mean, shouldn't there be some foreplay? Isn't it about warming them up first, showing how sexy and band-like you guys are, then after a night of dancing around and sweating, like modern day maenads in a rush of Dionysian fury they release their garments to the stage? I mean if Tom Jones is going to get panties thrown at him, isn't he expected to sing a couple of songs first. Someone did flash them. It was unenthusiastic, a mercy flash, a sort of, "Okay, here you go." I think she did it partly to shut them up. By the end of the concert two or three women had indeed removed their shirts and were dancing in their bras. As fun as that was, it wasn't half as entertaining as watching, after the music was over, a whole bunch of guys up on stage, rooting around, trying to find where their shirts, sweaters, and jackets had gotten to.

Strange world. Oh, and yes it was too loud and the sound was for shit.