J. Sherman Gets Gigli With It

So, I was sitting at home, minding my own business, making a fish out of a sock (It's a theatre thing.) when suddenly there's a savage knocking on my door. Now, I have the social life of a ... well of a fish made out of a sock, so I was puzzled by this intrusion at such a late hour.

At the door, was a small man. He spoke not a word but as soon as he saw me, he slit his wrists, popped cyanide, poored carosine on himself and lit himself on fire but not before handing me a note. "Ah," I thought. "It must be from Sherman."

Sure enough, the note was from my one-time movie reviewing friend, now avid, reclusive, mad hermit, J. Sherman. Someone must have given the poor bastard a DVD player and a Blockbuster card. But mine is not to question why. I diligently read the note and then turned it over to IMDB. Who knows if they'll accept the comment, as if J. Sherman was ever acceptable. Here it is to soil your eyes. Now, I don't promise anything. Oh, and if you see him, tell him to use Fed Ex like normal people.

I swear, people are sheep. They are 100%, died in the wool, that wool pulled over their eyes sheep. Honestly, I don't think anyone really looks at how easy it is to sway public opinion. Look at how many people STILL believe that our attack on Iraq was part of the War Against Terror when everyone, even administration who wanted the war!, said that Iraq was not a terroist state and that there was nothing between Hussein and militant fundamentalist Islamic cells other than hostility. But point people to something and tell them it's "Baddddd" and they'll move right along, "Baddddd!" (<--- Imagine sheep noise for full effect.) "Yay! Something we get to pick on! Yay! Something we get to throw stones at!"


Case in point ... Gigli. I watched it recently, waiting for it to suck. "It's supposed to suck," I said. "When't it going to start sucking?" Now, I'm not saying it's Citizen Kane or anything, but it's far, far from being the laughable crapfest that everyone says it was. It seemed like a decent Romantic ... I don't quite know what genre to put it in. It's not a Romantic Comedy because it's not trying to be funny. It's kind of a softer Out of Sight or a Get Shorty with a more even pace that's not trying to be a hip satire. Maybe it's just me. Maybe I have no taste. But more likely people just wanted to jump on the "Dump on the Hollywood Couple That Everyone Loved to Hate" Bandwagon.


Look, Gigli's not fabulous, but it's not bad. Get over yourselves. Oh ... and to the guy on IMDB Comments who thought the yoga scene was overlong ... you may be right. So to save you more torture, the next time Jennifer Lopez chooses to spread her legs in skin tight workout clothes while languidly discussing the wonders of the vagina, give me your ticket. Straight up, I will sit in for you. No, no. Don't thank me. It's the least I can do.